“Not a day of politics, will talk tomorrow.” Said Rahul Gandhi after PM’s speech while fumbling in his pockets as he realized that cheat sheet he was provided had been misplaced. Rahul Gandhi’s disappointment and anger resulted into dismissal of his secretary who had misplaced Rahul Gandhi’s cheat sheet of anti-modi pointers to be presented in front of media.
Immediately after honorable prime minister Narendra Modi concluded his speech from Red Fort, media turned their attention to Congress flag bearer Mr Gandhi for his verdict on Modi’s speech. However, they were let down by Mr Gandhi who still kept his hands in his pocket and continued looking for notes.
Anonymous sources suggested that they were sure about such blunder happening as Rahul Gandhi’s secretary wasn’t any good at his job. “Few days back, he misplaced Mr Gandhi’s list of all shows of POGO TV he was planning to watch. Rahul Gandhi complained about it to Sonia ma’m and she gave him second chance. But today it had crossed all the limits.”
We tried getting a reaction from his secretary who clearly seemed broken hearted. “I have always efficiently managed all notes for Rahul sir and whenever a note went missing, I have handled the situation by other means. After Nepal earthquake, at Nepal embassy, when Rahul Gandhi mixed his tribute note with Jupiter Velocity Theory, I was the one who immediately sent a copy of original notes to his phone via WhatsApp. Even today, just to avoid such situation, I had inserted multiple copies of his speech into pockets all of the kurtas he might be wearing. I have no idea how the note went missing.”
R&D Department of NASA has offered a permanent solution to this. “We can create a micro sized 3D printer which will stay in his pockets all the time. Whenever he needs cheat sheet on anything, we can simply email it to his smartphone and it will automatically be printed in his phone as this 3D printer will stay connected with the phone using Bluetooth. Or we can just give him Google Glass so that he can refer to notes while speaking in public, or even watch POGO TV and none will know ! He has been an avid contributor at NASA in our counting stars project. This is the least we can do for him.”
As Google started throwing Narendra Modi’s image when searched for #Top10Criminals, Rahul Gandhi ran into extreme disappointment as none of the Congress party showed up in that list. Angry Rahul Gandhi started his own trend #Top10Pappus and positioned his MEMEs circling around the internet.
Google autocomplete suggestions is one amazing feature to get an insight on how users of Google view a subject. The queries we see in autocomplete suggestions, are populated based on how many times users search for them. Here are Google autocomplete suggestions about Rahul Gandhi, Sonia Gandhi and their usual band members – Manmohan Singh, Kapil Sibal and Digvijay Singh. (On the same subject, i am curious why Kapil Sibal has never tried to censor this data considering his keenness in having entire internet data censored if it is found to be exposing him or congress.)
Before Delhi could recover from AAP’s surprising election victory this sunday, Rahul Gandhi has brought another shocker for Delhiites. Taking learnings from Aam Aadmi Party – (AAP)‘s victory, Rahul Gandhi has announced formation of Aam Aurat Party (AAP). Mr Gandhi mentioned that “clearly Congress had failed to connect to common people and that has made them loose in this elections bigtime. But still, there is a chance for Congress to survive in the form of Aam Aurat Party (AAP) under his leadership.”
“Through these elections, the people have delivered a message. That message has been taken by me and our party not just with our minds, but with our hearts.”, added Mr Gandhi while referring to Aam Aadmi Party. “The message clearly is that aam aadmi (common man) has power to bring any change he wants. But why is this power owned by only one gender? Women in our democracy should have equal right and Congress can not allow a gender biased party to take charge of Delhi.”
“So what if congress has lost in this elections? With our Aam Aurat Party (AAP), we are sure to come back into power.” – concluded Mr Rahul Gandhi.
Post this announcement, Rahul Gandhi also shared names of initial few key members of Aam Aurat Party (AAP), mainly being Poonam Pandey and Sunny Leone.
“We want to position those members to whom people of India can connect more easily. And who could be better than everyone’s beloved Poonam Pandey and Sunny Leone ! They come from common families and they live among the masses. They sure will gain people’s trust once people notice their face.” – Rahul Gandhi revealed his five years strategy.
“With Poonam and Sunny on our side, I am sure that not only aam aurat, but also aam aadmi will vote for us.” – smiled Kapil Sibal while praising Rahul baba for this game-changing initiative.
While unveiling the election symbol of Aam Aurat Party, Digvijay Singh added that “Not every women uses jhaadu. Women in India has advanced to vacuum cleaner now. Pocket mirror is an accessory that every common women in India uses. It’s pocket mirror where every common women finds her worth and sees what powerful personality she carries. Pocket mirror doesn’t only show the face of it’s user, but it also shows the person who can change the face of India.”
“Aam Aurat Party is the only hope for gender biased Indian society where women has always been neglected. I want every woman in India to get same respect as what I have been getting from the prime minister of India.” Said Sonia Gandhi while announcing Rakhi Sawant’s name as the party’s candidate for next Delhi assembly elections. “Rakhi Sawant has already done well for the society through Raakhi ka Insaaf. Now it’s time that Rakhi does an Insaaf for entire Delhi.”
In a rather disappointing turn of events, Rahul Gandhi was denied his right to vote as his name on voter card said Pappu Gandhi. When local authority appointed by Chief Electoral Office at Aurangzeb Lane polling station pointed out his name on voter card as Pappu Gandhi, Rahul Gandhi’s claim of being a responsible citizen fell apart. After much heated discussion over Pappu Gandhi being his nickname, Rahul Gandhi was barred from exercising his right to vote in Delhi assembly elections. While entire Delhi had lined up at polling booths to caste their votes, Rahul Gandhi had to spend this important day in frustration over his name.
“Murphy’s law never stops haunting my child.” Said Sonia Gandhi when she saw Rahul Gandhi walking back to his house without having his middle finger inked. “This confusion over his name being Pappu Gandhi is really delaying the progress of our nation. Earlier it was at Doon school, and now this Delhi elections. Election commission of India has played a cruel joke with him. I even had my name printed on his voter card as mother so that none questions him while he exercises his right to vote, even if it because of his IQ. But this confusion over his name was a deal-breaker ! Look at his face in voter card. How can someone not let this innocent poor looking child caste his vote?”
Delhi’s present chief minister Sheila Dixit immediately demanded CBI inquiry to probe into this scam. She accused Election Commission for playing this prank with Rahul Gandhi.
Responding to Sheila Dixit’s accusations, Mr. V.S.Sampath, the present Chief Election Commissioner said “We only did what we had been told to. We had clear instructions that kindly provide voter cards to migrants solely based on verbal information. We had more than 5000 bangladeshi migrants whom we had to provide voter cards. We thought we might just do the same for migrants from Italy as well. Everyone we asked, confirmed Rahul Gandhi’s name as Pappu Gandhi, and that’s what we printed on his voter card. We know he does not have much an IQ, but our intention was never to stop him from casting his vote.”
“Even my voter card reads my name as Dogvijay Singh, but they never stopped me from voting ! What they did with Rahul baba is totally unfair.” Digvijay singh made a sad-puppy-face while talking to media.
Kapil Sibal tried to console Rahul Gandhi and advised him to maintain two voter cards from now on with both names to avoid any confusion in upcoming general elections.
“I am a mother and I will not recommend Horlicks for any child.” said a frustrated Sonia Gandhi when Rahul Gandhi’s IQ showed no improvement even after having a full bottle of milk with Horlicks everyday. “I am going to demand a CBI inquiry against Horlicks for turning Rahul Gandhi in a pappu !” – Sonia Gandhi vented her anger.
“I started giving him Horlicks since he failed IQ test at doon school. I was hoping his hopeless IQ will improve but Horlicks turned him into a total pappu ! Now the entire nation is laughing at him.” said Sonia Gandhi. “Now just like a one year old child, all he speaks is Maa and Daadi and all he wants to do is watch POGO tv.”
I am always ready to work under Rahul Gandhi’s leadership doesn’t matter he has good IQ or not. And as UPA government, we will do everything necessary to prove he has a good IQ. We will begin with updating all NCERT textbooks to prove that India is bigger than USA and Europe put together.” Digvijay Singh expressed his confidence in Rahul’s IQ.
Manmohan singh said thik hai when he was asked if he is ok with working under Rahul Gandhi whose IQ is falling faster than Rakesh Roshan’s hair.
Meanwhile, Kapil Sibal has announced a definition of IQ which indicates that lower the IQ, smarter a person is. “IQ stands for nothing but Imbecility Quotient. By having Horlicks, Rahul baba’s IQ has dropped dead. Which is a good thing. Lesser IQ has, more pappu he is. Pappu with low Imbecility Quotient.” – defended Kapil Sibal.
Later the evening, Sonia has made it clear through an announcement that until CBI submits a report on damage of Horlicks on Rahul Gandhi’s IQ, he should be protected under pappu security bill. “None with IQ higher than Rahul Gandhi will be allowed within a radius of 100 meters.”